Contract to Kill featuring Steven Seagal (2016)

This movie is incredible.

Whilst in my opinion not as bad  (good) as Kill Switch, it is certainly up there in terms of terrible movies. 

My housemate’s opinion however, is that this is even worse than Kill Switch, so clearly these are similarly bad / amazing movies.

Plot?

Essentially the plot ….. well… loose terms for plot, is Steven Seagal is an ex-CIA, or FBI… because I mean- of course he is,… agent… and he gets called back ‘for one more job’, for which it is to apparently monitor some Mexican drug cartel and a terrorist group that look like they might be about to create a partnership.

That part is actually pretty clever…for the plot anyway: ISIS… or something is looking to partner with a Mexican cartel because then they will be able to use Mexican entrance points into the USA, and as a reward, they’ll help the cartel expand into Europe.

The reason that I keep saying  ‘or something’  is because once again Steven Seagal is mostly incomprehensible.  Thankfully he’s not putting on an accent like he is in Kill Switch, but I swear they are slowing down the speed of his voice throughout the movie… to the point where near the end, it’s so deep and drawl-ly that its blending into the sound of the car’s engine that they’re driving.

Like recent Steven Seagal movies there’s lots of rehashing of scenes.  In fact the start scene whereby 2 gangsters get killed, is replayed in a bar’s TV… which is a bit confusing because it showcases it like news footage, even though it wasn’t a news event.   And from there is where the confusion just gets ‘better’.  An airplane explosion is rehashed at least 3 times, scenes that happened just 30 seconds ago.. are re-shown but in black and white.   People are shown walking in slow-motion… to apparently make them seem important. … all of it is brilliant!

So some CIA guy calls him back in to do this job, but then pulls him out …for no reason, and then sends a delta team in to kill the guys, even though they’ve already had all of this information and were going to do it anyway… essentially meaning there was no point for Seagal to do this job anyway.

Oh Seagal’s character is called John… and on his team is some serious looking dude that controls a ‘stealthy’ drone with flashing lights to conduct observational work… and some obviously sexy lady…for which I swear we never find out her name.

Oh and Seagal and the lady of course end up having sex for zero reason.  I’m pretty sure he just wanted to touch a boob on camera.

Production quality?

The whole movie looks like something a mildly intelligent person with next-to-no skills could have filmed.  I’m not sure if people from Mexico are actually Mexicans or people from Turkey are actually from Turkey at all… I think Seagal just round up a bunch of brown looking people and said.. you’ll do, and put them in the movie.  Whenever he speaks Spanish or Arabic or whatever language he’s pretending to speak… I’m not even sure it’s the correct language, never mind if his pronunciation is good or not.  But to be fair, this movies intended audience, including myself won’t know the difference… so who really cares?

I’m positive this movie was another excuse to fly around the world and have a free holiday…whilst under the pretence of making a movie.  It also looks like someone in his crew just found out how to make the on location titles to show which country they are supposedly in for the start of each scene.

Also…Seagal just ends up talking to himself to remind you of what is happening.

Acting?  Of course the acting is terrible… at one point Seagal is just speaking AT the camera, like looking into the camera, even though he’s meant to be talking to his team which is NOT at that angle.

I would seriously recommend this movie.

Oh and the ending was much better than Kill Switch, in the way that its more rehashing from the same movie, and kind of fits…by leaving you hanging… but also makes zero sense.   …But more sense than just coming home to a different family and having sex with a woman that was never introduced throughout the entire movie, like Kill Switch.

Hahahah by the way, just as I was uploading the cover image… it’s actually the 1st time that I’ve seen it, as my housemate downloaded the movie.

But how cheesy/ great is that tag-line?   ‘They didn’t just cross the border, they crossed the line.’     hahahah wizard.

Oh and you see he’s holding a massive sniper rifle?
I’m pretty sure at no point in the movie, does he use a sniper rifle.

Wow Steven Seagal, you’ve done it again.